A wonderful story Hannah, also hilarious, because as is with all your articles I can imagine 100% you doing each & every one of those things 🤣
But also, I can relate to it all 100%. I thrive on routine, order, quiet, organic cotton clothing, reading, working within my circadian rhythm & using my ADHD clock, chilling by my fire on an evening, whilst also sitting in quiet desperation to go to an all night rave in another country and get absolutely wasted, that very same evening 🤷♀️
As a very late diagnosed AuDHDer (late 50s) my world is suddenly making sense, I always knew I was ‘autistic-ey’ but until recently ADHD didn’t register. But it is so me too. If I want to remember something when walking from room to room I have to mumble it mantra like under my breath to even get a hope of actually doing the thing I wanted to do. Recently I leaned into the ADHD to complete a very tight deadline I stumbled across. My SD was very perturbed that all my carefully thought out and managed safety systems and routines were abandoned but that hyper-focus, oh boy it delivered.
As for microwaved tea, it just doesn’t taste the same (but I’m a teapot lassie) but I often have to resort to it or I just won’t get to drink tea at all.
Hi Tamsin so pleased to hear that your world is finally starting to make sense. I am a mantra mumbler too! "Have a shower have a shower" Lol. Love that you were able to lean into your ADHD to complete work. You might enjoy reading my post about Hyperfocus here: https://www.hannahanstee.com/blog/hyperfocus. Here's to fresh cups of tea! ☕️. Thank you for sharing :)
As a person with both Autism and ADHD, I DEVOURED your letter.
I cackled, I gasped for air, I almost cried (already did that today)
And the thing with hormones...
Holy crap.
I have endometriosis which is kept in check by HRT (reducing my estrogen) and I've noticed a SPIKE from my more focused and intentional and "I can spend hours researching deeply, take breaks to regulate, then make a spreadsheet or mindmap to connect what I've learned and create an action plan that I will follow..." until I don't...
And now I'm lucky if I can remember to feed myself (I didn't until about an hour ago... and have been awake at least 7 hours before that - part of what contributed to the crying)
The tea... the endlessly forgetting about the tea 😭
I don't know that I've ever related so much to anything in my existence so thank you... so much, one struggling neurospicy brain to another, for sharing. 💕
Thanks, Rowan. The hormone aspect of all this really needs more attention and research. I won't hold my breath. I'm so glad this piece resonated with you - here's to continually making cups of tea we don't drink..lols. :)
I find your insights into AuDHD absolutely fascinating (did you coin that?) and I love that you cross out disorder and replace it with condition. Having worked as a psychiatrist for over 40 years (now retired and much happier working on the literary mag I started up), I hated the use of 'disorder' because it is dehumanising. You don't find it anywhere in else in medicine. There is no such thing as a cancer disorder or a cardiac arrhythmia disorder, but psychiatry has ASD and, my pet hate, personality disorder. Also, living with an AuDHD partner (never formally diagnosed because 'there's nothing wrong with me'), your description of losing your tea made me laugh out loud, though in this household it's wallets, keys and important documents.
Hi Abby. No I can't take credit for AuDHD, I came across it within the neurodivergent community. At the summit yesterday there was talk of trying to get the D (disorder) removed and replaced with 'condition' so hopefully this will emerge in the coming years. You've just reminded me that last week I lost my driving license - I had put it in a VERY safe place. Lol. Thanks so much for sharing 😊
I also liked what I heard a couple of years ago that we need to remove deficit and disorder so it's just AH :D - there perhaps is that the pressure release valve experience I was talking about lol
Hi 👋🏼 So glad you found it helpful. I have another piece based on this theme I'm working on at the moment which I'll be publishing in the next few weeks. Thank you for your kind comments 😊
I’ve known I’m auDHD for a few years and this might be the best article I’ve read on the topic - you describe the dichotomy it creates with great analogies!
I’m interested to hear that reduced oestrogen plays a part in increasing ADHD traits… I am transgender and started taking testosterone 5 years ago, a couple of years after I was diagnosed as just autistic. I have since been diagnosed ADHD and prescribed Ritalin but when I look at my adult kids (one autistic, one ADHD) I can see that I’m a perfect blend of the two of them - but I missed most of the ADHD part until I started hormones and those traits became magnified. It all makes sense now… and makes me realise that unless I want to revert to a body and features that make me deeply dysphoric and anxious, I have to learn to accept the increased ADHD stuff as my new normal. I have been assuming up to now that it’s a temporary change in balance due to life circumstances (I’ve always had ADHD traits but they never used to be so dominant). If it’s mainly hormone based, I now know this is my new default balance and can focus less on keeping autistic me happy. That means less routine and more dopamine-seeking. Good to know!
Hi 👋🏼 Thank you so much! This is all fascinating, thanks so much for sharing your journey. Yes, hormones seem to play such a huge role but we definitely need more research on it and hopefully that will come in time. It is so tough getting the dopamine right isn't it - I've just been on a 2 week coffee binge which has been beautiful (lol) but now I'm depleted and even though I want want want it... I just can't have any more. Sending love :)
Oh my soul, I know that want it but can’t have it thing so well! That’s kind of my life in a nutshell. 😂 Keep up the great work you’re doing here - it’s so valuable. Love to you too.
I’m AuADHD too and fascinated about the estrogen and HRT you mention. Do you have any other resources to read more about this? I now take ADHD meds half the week but I do it begrudgingly generally because I prefer to think of myself as more of an earth goddess 😂. I’ve been offered a script for perimenopause but on the fence about whether to give it a go but perhaps it’s even an alternative. Thanks for writing this. I’m giving my ADHD side and ASD sides each a business to flourish in their best areas this year which is exciting!
Hi Gemma. Alas I don't. This is what came across at the ADHD summit for women- that the subject is underfunded (surprise!) and it's mainly anecdotal evidence, with perhaps a couple of small studies. It was all presented by Dr Anneka Tomlinson so maybe see if she has any updates on her website. I totally get it about about being an earth goddess! The internal conflict about taking meds is real. Thanks so much for sharing 😊
I related to this so much! I’m curious what sorts of things led to a diagnosis on the Autism side, if you feel comfortable sharing. I’m undiagnosed ADHD in pretty much every way possible lol.
Interestingly, my human design chart shows that I’m a manifesting generator with a defined heart center. It’s a lot to go into but basically = ADHD + discipline. I’d be so curious to know yours!
Human design teaches us to accept ourselves as we are, and approach the world in the way we’re uniquely meant to. It’s similar to what you mention about these being conditions, not disorders that need correcting! x
Thanks Lisa. I'm a generator with sacral authority! Although admit I haven't tapped into Human Design as much I could but maybe this is something I will look into more... so glad the piece resonated :)
As an AuDHD, I related to this SO much. Also I am a Gemini and heavily mercurial so I am extra. Yeehaw! 🤠 I have also been thinking about the idea that I came across a couple of years ago that ADHD evolved as a way to cope in this world as an autistic or neurodivergent person. What do you think about that? For me, my ADHD feels like a pressure release valve...perhaps like Loki, a trickster god, stirring shit up in order to bring balance. thank you for the glucose goddess link too, sugar and I have a wicked relationship.
Hi 👋🏼 That is a fascinating take on why ADHD might have developed - certainly food for thought. Love your explanation of a pressure release valve - that resonates! Yeehaw! haha. I love the Glucose Goddess. I'm now about 7 weeks sugar-free and the calm is real (well, as much as can be!)... let's see how long it lasts. Thanks so much for sharing your very interesting thoughts 😊
A great read thank you 🙏 brilliantly described. I find that the further I go into perimenopause where my hormone levels are calmer but lower, well I also lean towards more autistic and adhd is more in check. Until I have a few days that totally throw me off and sometimes accidentally overdose the oestrogel then it’s all hyper mayhem and who am I again? 😂🫣
Hi Sophie. It's reassuring to hear that it's calmer the further you go into perimenopause. I totally get it about the hyper-mahem and being thrown off again... here's to stable hormones! Thank you for sharing :)
Thank you! I enjoyed reading this. I have generally a very positive approach to my “split” personality. I love being me! Life would be fantastically boring without this dynamic.
In hindsight, it was of course very difficult with my adhd in my 20s… (before that it was mostly autism). My 30s and 40s were a mix. Almost on a daily basis.
I’m two years into perimenopause and I have a second wave of the adhd!
I feel I’m going backwards. Will I go into an autism phase again next, like the one I had as a child?
Funny thing I realized when reading your letter. I have two daughters, one more autistic and the other more adhd. They’re best friends and worst enemies. I’ve known for a couple of years now that I’m both of them - but I’ve never before thought about their relationship mimicking my internal dynamics. It’s fascinating.
Hi 👋🏼 So glad you enjoyed this. And thank you for sharing your positive approach to your 'split personality'. I feel I could embrace this more. And wow that is so interesting about your daughters. Fascinating indeed! :)
This is a brilliant post that couldn't come at a better time. I'm diagnosed with both autism and ADHD but haven't focused on the ADHD side of the equation until recently. Historically, I have liked my autistic traits better and love / hate being derailed, but lately I've come to realize there's more to it than that. Thanks for your perspective!
Hi Barbara- thank you! The interaction between the two is so complex, isn't it? I'm not sure I'll ever fully understand it (or myself!) but I aim to keep trying - in the hope of making my life easier :)
Learning about oneself is an important journey in life, I spent the last decade to do so. At 50 some, I finally found out the real me. Labels can help and sometimes labels limit you. Use them wisely…happy for you to live authentically as you! Keep going! 🩷
Thank you for this. I have no diagnosis but I strongly suspect I am at least ADHD, if not AuDHD. I feel so seen by what you say. 💖 Thank you too for articulating the tension between these two different states… I’d never considered it until now! So much tangled wiring at play!
Absolutely this!!!! My ADHD side has come out so much stronger in peri and now menopause, my autistic side had been much stronger before. Brilliant post!
Thank you so much and glad it resonated with you. Very interesting to hear your ADHD side is stronger now in menopause... I'm surfing peri at the mo...what a ride. LOL. 🙏
A wonderful story Hannah, also hilarious, because as is with all your articles I can imagine 100% you doing each & every one of those things 🤣
But also, I can relate to it all 100%. I thrive on routine, order, quiet, organic cotton clothing, reading, working within my circadian rhythm & using my ADHD clock, chilling by my fire on an evening, whilst also sitting in quiet desperation to go to an all night rave in another country and get absolutely wasted, that very same evening 🤷♀️
😂😂 where’s the party 👀👀 thanks Mary! X
🤣🤣
As a very late diagnosed AuDHDer (late 50s) my world is suddenly making sense, I always knew I was ‘autistic-ey’ but until recently ADHD didn’t register. But it is so me too. If I want to remember something when walking from room to room I have to mumble it mantra like under my breath to even get a hope of actually doing the thing I wanted to do. Recently I leaned into the ADHD to complete a very tight deadline I stumbled across. My SD was very perturbed that all my carefully thought out and managed safety systems and routines were abandoned but that hyper-focus, oh boy it delivered.
As for microwaved tea, it just doesn’t taste the same (but I’m a teapot lassie) but I often have to resort to it or I just won’t get to drink tea at all.
Hi Tamsin so pleased to hear that your world is finally starting to make sense. I am a mantra mumbler too! "Have a shower have a shower" Lol. Love that you were able to lean into your ADHD to complete work. You might enjoy reading my post about Hyperfocus here: https://www.hannahanstee.com/blog/hyperfocus. Here's to fresh cups of tea! ☕️. Thank you for sharing :)
As a person with both Autism and ADHD, I DEVOURED your letter.
I cackled, I gasped for air, I almost cried (already did that today)
And the thing with hormones...
Holy crap.
I have endometriosis which is kept in check by HRT (reducing my estrogen) and I've noticed a SPIKE from my more focused and intentional and "I can spend hours researching deeply, take breaks to regulate, then make a spreadsheet or mindmap to connect what I've learned and create an action plan that I will follow..." until I don't...
And now I'm lucky if I can remember to feed myself (I didn't until about an hour ago... and have been awake at least 7 hours before that - part of what contributed to the crying)
The tea... the endlessly forgetting about the tea 😭
I don't know that I've ever related so much to anything in my existence so thank you... so much, one struggling neurospicy brain to another, for sharing. 💕
Thanks, Rowan. The hormone aspect of all this really needs more attention and research. I won't hold my breath. I'm so glad this piece resonated with you - here's to continually making cups of tea we don't drink..lols. :)
I find your insights into AuDHD absolutely fascinating (did you coin that?) and I love that you cross out disorder and replace it with condition. Having worked as a psychiatrist for over 40 years (now retired and much happier working on the literary mag I started up), I hated the use of 'disorder' because it is dehumanising. You don't find it anywhere in else in medicine. There is no such thing as a cancer disorder or a cardiac arrhythmia disorder, but psychiatry has ASD and, my pet hate, personality disorder. Also, living with an AuDHD partner (never formally diagnosed because 'there's nothing wrong with me'), your description of losing your tea made me laugh out loud, though in this household it's wallets, keys and important documents.
Hi Abby. No I can't take credit for AuDHD, I came across it within the neurodivergent community. At the summit yesterday there was talk of trying to get the D (disorder) removed and replaced with 'condition' so hopefully this will emerge in the coming years. You've just reminded me that last week I lost my driving license - I had put it in a VERY safe place. Lol. Thanks so much for sharing 😊
I also liked what I heard a couple of years ago that we need to remove deficit and disorder so it's just AH :D - there perhaps is that the pressure release valve experience I was talking about lol
This is funny, heartening, and so very validating. Thank you!
Hi 👋🏼 So glad you found it helpful. I have another piece based on this theme I'm working on at the moment which I'll be publishing in the next few weeks. Thank you for your kind comments 😊
I’ll be on the lookout.
I’ve known I’m auDHD for a few years and this might be the best article I’ve read on the topic - you describe the dichotomy it creates with great analogies!
I’m interested to hear that reduced oestrogen plays a part in increasing ADHD traits… I am transgender and started taking testosterone 5 years ago, a couple of years after I was diagnosed as just autistic. I have since been diagnosed ADHD and prescribed Ritalin but when I look at my adult kids (one autistic, one ADHD) I can see that I’m a perfect blend of the two of them - but I missed most of the ADHD part until I started hormones and those traits became magnified. It all makes sense now… and makes me realise that unless I want to revert to a body and features that make me deeply dysphoric and anxious, I have to learn to accept the increased ADHD stuff as my new normal. I have been assuming up to now that it’s a temporary change in balance due to life circumstances (I’ve always had ADHD traits but they never used to be so dominant). If it’s mainly hormone based, I now know this is my new default balance and can focus less on keeping autistic me happy. That means less routine and more dopamine-seeking. Good to know!
Hi 👋🏼 Thank you so much! This is all fascinating, thanks so much for sharing your journey. Yes, hormones seem to play such a huge role but we definitely need more research on it and hopefully that will come in time. It is so tough getting the dopamine right isn't it - I've just been on a 2 week coffee binge which has been beautiful (lol) but now I'm depleted and even though I want want want it... I just can't have any more. Sending love :)
Oh my soul, I know that want it but can’t have it thing so well! That’s kind of my life in a nutshell. 😂 Keep up the great work you’re doing here - it’s so valuable. Love to you too.
I’m AuADHD too and fascinated about the estrogen and HRT you mention. Do you have any other resources to read more about this? I now take ADHD meds half the week but I do it begrudgingly generally because I prefer to think of myself as more of an earth goddess 😂. I’ve been offered a script for perimenopause but on the fence about whether to give it a go but perhaps it’s even an alternative. Thanks for writing this. I’m giving my ADHD side and ASD sides each a business to flourish in their best areas this year which is exciting!
Hi Gemma. Alas I don't. This is what came across at the ADHD summit for women- that the subject is underfunded (surprise!) and it's mainly anecdotal evidence, with perhaps a couple of small studies. It was all presented by Dr Anneka Tomlinson so maybe see if she has any updates on her website. I totally get it about about being an earth goddess! The internal conflict about taking meds is real. Thanks so much for sharing 😊
I related to this so much! I’m curious what sorts of things led to a diagnosis on the Autism side, if you feel comfortable sharing. I’m undiagnosed ADHD in pretty much every way possible lol.
Interestingly, my human design chart shows that I’m a manifesting generator with a defined heart center. It’s a lot to go into but basically = ADHD + discipline. I’d be so curious to know yours!
Human design teaches us to accept ourselves as we are, and approach the world in the way we’re uniquely meant to. It’s similar to what you mention about these being conditions, not disorders that need correcting! x
Thanks Lisa. I'm a generator with sacral authority! Although admit I haven't tapped into Human Design as much I could but maybe this is something I will look into more... so glad the piece resonated :)
Looking forward to reading more! 💕
As an AuDHD, I related to this SO much. Also I am a Gemini and heavily mercurial so I am extra. Yeehaw! 🤠 I have also been thinking about the idea that I came across a couple of years ago that ADHD evolved as a way to cope in this world as an autistic or neurodivergent person. What do you think about that? For me, my ADHD feels like a pressure release valve...perhaps like Loki, a trickster god, stirring shit up in order to bring balance. thank you for the glucose goddess link too, sugar and I have a wicked relationship.
Hi 👋🏼 That is a fascinating take on why ADHD might have developed - certainly food for thought. Love your explanation of a pressure release valve - that resonates! Yeehaw! haha. I love the Glucose Goddess. I'm now about 7 weeks sugar-free and the calm is real (well, as much as can be!)... let's see how long it lasts. Thanks so much for sharing your very interesting thoughts 😊
A great read thank you 🙏 brilliantly described. I find that the further I go into perimenopause where my hormone levels are calmer but lower, well I also lean towards more autistic and adhd is more in check. Until I have a few days that totally throw me off and sometimes accidentally overdose the oestrogel then it’s all hyper mayhem and who am I again? 😂🫣
Hi Sophie. It's reassuring to hear that it's calmer the further you go into perimenopause. I totally get it about the hyper-mahem and being thrown off again... here's to stable hormones! Thank you for sharing :)
Thank you! I enjoyed reading this. I have generally a very positive approach to my “split” personality. I love being me! Life would be fantastically boring without this dynamic.
In hindsight, it was of course very difficult with my adhd in my 20s… (before that it was mostly autism). My 30s and 40s were a mix. Almost on a daily basis.
I’m two years into perimenopause and I have a second wave of the adhd!
I feel I’m going backwards. Will I go into an autism phase again next, like the one I had as a child?
Funny thing I realized when reading your letter. I have two daughters, one more autistic and the other more adhd. They’re best friends and worst enemies. I’ve known for a couple of years now that I’m both of them - but I’ve never before thought about their relationship mimicking my internal dynamics. It’s fascinating.
Hi 👋🏼 So glad you enjoyed this. And thank you for sharing your positive approach to your 'split personality'. I feel I could embrace this more. And wow that is so interesting about your daughters. Fascinating indeed! :)
This is a brilliant post that couldn't come at a better time. I'm diagnosed with both autism and ADHD but haven't focused on the ADHD side of the equation until recently. Historically, I have liked my autistic traits better and love / hate being derailed, but lately I've come to realize there's more to it than that. Thanks for your perspective!
Hi Barbara- thank you! The interaction between the two is so complex, isn't it? I'm not sure I'll ever fully understand it (or myself!) but I aim to keep trying - in the hope of making my life easier :)
Learning about oneself is an important journey in life, I spent the last decade to do so. At 50 some, I finally found out the real me. Labels can help and sometimes labels limit you. Use them wisely…happy for you to live authentically as you! Keep going! 🩷
The wonder of finding the 'real us' 🙏. Thank you :)
Thank you for this. I have no diagnosis but I strongly suspect I am at least ADHD, if not AuDHD. I feel so seen by what you say. 💖 Thank you too for articulating the tension between these two different states… I’d never considered it until now! So much tangled wiring at play!
Absolutely this!!!! My ADHD side has come out so much stronger in peri and now menopause, my autistic side had been much stronger before. Brilliant post!
Thank you so much and glad it resonated with you. Very interesting to hear your ADHD side is stronger now in menopause... I'm surfing peri at the mo...what a ride. LOL. 🙏
Yes isn't it! A real rollercoaster! Settling a bit in menopause!
That’s good to hear!
Yes it's definitely better than perimenopause!!
This was all so incredibly relatable. Glad you came across my feed here ❤️